The National Academy of Sciences, a private organization of top scientists that advises the U.S. government on scientific matters, reported on June 22, 2006, that the "recent warmth is unprecedented for at least the last 400 years and potentially the last several millennia" and that "human activities are responsible for much of the recent warming".
The report goes on to say that from the start of the 20th century, there were sharp rises in the "greenhouse" gases, carbon dioxide and methane. These two gases are believed to be the main contributors to global warming, by trapping heat in the Earth's atmosphere, similar to the way that a windshield traps heat in a car.
What is producing enough greenhouse gases to change the climate of our planet? Since the industrial age began, factories, power plants, and cars have burned coal and gasoline. Spitting out an endless stream of carbon dioxide. We produce millions of pounds of methane by allowing our trash to decompose in landfills and from agricultural sources like cattle and fertilizer.
Scientists all over the world agree that humans are the cause of global warming and that it could have catastrophic effects. It is important for all countries to reduce emissions of carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gases now, to limit the future effects of global warming.
As a society, we must break our dependency on fuels that cause pollution by supporting clean, renewable energy sources. Each of us can slow global warming by reducing the amount of energy we use and the pollution we produce as individuals every day.
The Impacts of Global Warming
What effects will global warming have on the Earth and its inhabitants in the future? Are there any effects from global warming visible now?
Due to the enormous complexity of the atmosphere, the most useful tools for gauging future changes are 'climate models'. These are computer programs which simulate the climate's behavior.
Climate models are constantly improving based on both our understanding and the increase in computer power. However, climate models are just simulations and they can only be as good as the knowledge and skill of the people who create them. With that in mind, here are what some scientists are predicting as the potential consequences of global warming.
Earth
A number of geologists suggest that glacial melting due to climate change will release pressures in the Earth's crust, causing extreme geological events such as earthquakes, tsunamis and volcanic eruptions.
Wind
The number of powerful and dangerous hurricanes could increase. Warmer water in the oceans pumps more energy into tropical storms, making them more intense and potentially more destructive.
Fire
Heat waves could be more frequent and severe. This could cause more heat related deaths. Warmer and dryer conditions could bring drought conditions and increase the risk of wildfires.
Today's computers operate using transistors, wires and electricity. Future computers might use atoms, fibers and light. Personally, I don't give a byte what makes it tick, as long as it does the job. If I could accidentally spill my coffee and not have it cost $848, that would be a cool feature.
But let us assume that you are not still bitter from a recent laptop replacement. You might stop to consider what the world might be like, if computers the size of molecules become a reality. These are the types of computers that could be everywhere, but never seen. Nano sized bio-computers that could target specific areas inside your body. Giant networks of computers, in your clothing, your house, your car. Entrenched in almost every aspect of our lives and yet you may never give them a single thought.
Complete understanding of the theories behind these future computer technologies is not for the meek. For example, my research into quantum computers was made all the more difficult, after I learned that in light of her constant interference, it is theoretically possible my mother-in-law could be in two places at once.
If you have the heart, take a gander at this collection of articles and links on the most promising new computer technologies. If not, dare to imagine the ways that billions of tiny, powerful computers will change our society.
Future technology is what scientists and others dream up first, then work hard to make a reality. Future technology encompasses many different areas from nanotechnology, science and medicine, computers and many other specific areas such as space tourism, future cars, future weapons and many areas of which people have not dreamed yet.
Future technology may be thought of as either leading edge or "bleeding edge" technology in that this cutting edge is not without its trials and tribulations. For instance, for investors, pouring speculation money into future technology may not yield results for decades if ever.
Money on future technology may be wasted in the eyes of some who decide that caution is the better part of valor. But, for a few mavericks, the payoff is in the project itself, and not necessarily in the economic payoff.
A few people get to have their cake and eat it too when it comes to future technology. The likes of Bill Gates and Steven Jobs are a couple of examples of those who have poured time, money and effort into future technology and have been paid handsomely when this technology has gone mainstream.
Nanotechnology is a hot topic in future technology right now. Chemistry, applied physics, materials science, electrical and mechanical engineering are all hip deep in the future technology of nanoscience and nanotechnology.
A couple of other areas of interest in future technology are future cars and future weapons. The Discovery channels now has programs on each one of these areas with a growing number of viewers interested in what the future holds.
Future cars may be hydrogen cars, electric cars, hybrid, solar or flying cars or cars not yet conceived on the drawing board or 3D computer animation program. Fuel cell vehicles are a hot topic right now, but the future is uncertain and there is much room for speculation on which technology will take root in the years to come.
Future weapons are also of great interest to many. Not only are people want to know about such large subjects as America's interest in developing a new hydrogen bomb, but only non-lethal and less lethal weapons of the future. Some of the future weapons can send a heat pulse to disperse and angry mob or emit a beam to freeze a person in his or her tracks.
The only certainly about future technology, however, is that it is uncertain. The realm of future technology is the realm of possibilities. What is possible? What is on the drawing boards now? How long will it be until these great ideas become mainstream reality? These are burning questions many people want to know and we will attempt to answer as many of these questions as we can through this website.
If you’re over 30, you probably have drawers full of bulky VHS tapes that chronicle family highlights. With the compact, high capacity of DVDs, you can now reduce that jumble of tapes to a neat (short) stack of discs. They take less storage space, you can burn endless copies and mail them to anyone, and they’re simpler to play.
You can easily make this conversion with an “analog to digital converter” even if your computer skills are a bit “lite.” You’ll need your VCR, a computer that sports a DVD burner (sorry, you Apple fans—no Mac version available for the Dazzle converter shown), blank recordable DVDs and the converter. The heart of the system is a piece of hardware that converts the analog signal from your VCR into a digital signal so your computer can then burn it onto a disc.
Load the software into your computer, and then hook up the VCR to the DVC and the DVC to the computer. While the tape plays, digitized video is fed into the computer, where it’s stored on the hard drive ready for disc burning. However, this isn’t a high-speed operation.You’ll have to run the VCR tape at real time (standard play speed) to complete the digitizing process. The system shown also has built-in editing features, which allow you to delete or shorten boring (or embarrassing!) scenes, type in on-screen notes and even add a sound track. And more, the software even has options to enhance washed-out colors and stabilize shaky movies. You can order this system directly from the company or contact the company to find a retail store that carries it.
TIP Convenience isn’t the only reason to digitize those treasured recordings. VHS tapes aren’t much more than magnetized plastic ribbons that will eventually degrade. The plastic wheels and bearings they run on won’t last forever either. And every time you play a tape, there’s always the risk that it will be eaten by a hungry machine!
Converter Connections
Hook up the VCR to the converter with S-connectors for the best signal. If those jacks aren't available on your VCR, use the red, yellow and white RCA connectors.
Have you ever known a married couple that just didn't seem as though they should fit together -- yet they are both happy in the marriage, and you can't figure out why?
I know of one couple: He is a burly ex-athlete who, in addition to being a successful salesman, coaches Little League, is active in his Rotary Club and plays golf every Saturday with friends. Meanwhile, his wife is petite, quiet and a complete homebody. She doesn't even like to go out to dinner.
What mysterious force drives us into the arms of one person, while pushing us away from another who might appear equally desirable to any unbiased observer?
Of the many factors influencing our idea of the perfect mate, one of the most telling, according to John Money, professor emeritus of medical psychology and pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, is what he calls our "love map" -- a group of messages encoded in our brains that describes our likes and dislikes. It shows our preferences in hair and eye color, in voice, smell, body build. It also records the kind of personality that appeals to us, whether it's the warm and friendly type or the strong, silent type.
In short, we fall for and pursue those people who most clearly fit our love map. And this love map is largely determined in childhood. By age eight, the pattern for our ideal mate has already begun to float around in our brains.
When I lecture, I often ask couples in the audience what drew them to their dates or mates. Answers range from "She's strong and independent" and "I go for redheads" to "I love his sense of humor" and "That crooked smile, that's what did it."
I believe what they say. But I also know that if I were to ask those same men and women to describe their mothers, there would be many similarities between their ideal mates and their moms. Yes, our mothers -- the first real love of our lives -- write a significant portion of our love map.
When we're little, our mother is the center of our attention, and we are the center of hers. So our mother's characteristics leave an indelible impression, and we are forever after attracted to people with her facial features, body type, personality, even sense of humor. If our mother was warm and giving, as adults we tend to be attracted to people who are warm and giving. If our mother was strong and even-tempered, we are going to be attracted to a fair-minded strength in our mates.
The mother has an additional influence on her sons: she not only gives them clues to what they will find attractive in a mate, but also affects how they feel about women in general. So if she is warm and nice, her sons are going to think that's the way women are. They will likely grow up warm and responsive lovers and also be cooperative around the house.
Conversely, a mother who has a depressive personality, and is sometimes friendly but then suddenly turns cold and rejecting, may raise a man who becomes a "dance-away lover." Because he's been so scared about love from his mother, he is afraid of commitment and may pull away from a girlfriend for this reason.
While the mother determines in large part what qualities attract us in a mate, it's the father -- the first male in our lives -- who influences how we relate to the opposite sex. Fathers have an enormous effect on their children's personalities and chances of marital happiness.
Just as mothers influence their son's general feelings toward women, fathers influence their daughter's general feelings about men. If a father lavishes praise on his daughter and demonstrates that she is a worthwhile person, she'll feel very good about herself in relation to men. But if the father is cold, critical or absent, the daughter will tend to feel she's not very lovable or attractive.
In addition, most of us grow up with people of similar social circumstances. We hang around with people in the same town; our friends have about the same educational backgrounds and career goals. We tend to be most comfortable with these people, and therefore we tend to link up with others whose families are often much like our own.
Complementary Needs
What about opposites? Are they really attracted to each other? Yes and no. In many ways we want a mirror image of ourselves. Physically attractive people, for example, are usually drawn to a partner who's equally attractive.
Robert Winch, a longtime sociology professor at Northwestern University, stated in his research that our choice of a marriage partner involves a number of social similarities. But he also maintained that we look for someone with complementary needs. A talker is attracted to someone who likes to listen, or an aggressive personality may seek out a more passive partner.
It's rather like the old, but perceptive, saying on the subject of marriage that advises future partners to make sure that the holes in one's head fit the bumps in the other's. Or, as Winch observed, it's the balancing out of sociological likenesses and psychological differences that seems to point the way for the most solid lifelong romance.
However, there are instances where people of different social backgrounds end up getting married and being extremely happy. I know of one man, a factory worker from a traditional Irish family in Chicago, who fell in love with an African American Baptist. When they got married, their friends and relatives predicted a quick failure. But 25 years later, the marriage is still strong.
It turns out that the woman was like her mother-in-law -- a loving and caring person, the type who rolls up her sleeves and volunteers to work at church or help out people in need. This is the quality that her husband fell for, and it made color and religion and any other social factors irrelevant to him.
Or as George Burns, who was Jewish and married the Irish Catholic Gracie Allen, used to say: his marriage was his favorite gig, even though it was Gracie who got all the laughs. The two of them did share certain social similarities -- both grew up in the city, in large but poor families. Yet what really drew them together was evident from the first time they went onstage together. They complemented each other perfectly: he was the straight man, and she delivered the punch lines.
There are certainly such "odd couples" who could scarcely be happier. We all know some drop-dead beautiful person married to an unusually plain wallflower. This is a trade-off some call the equity theory.
When men and women possess a particular asset, such as high intelligence, unusual beauty, a personality that makes others swoon, or a hefty bankroll that has the same effect, some decide to trade their assets for someone else's strong points. The raging beauty may trade her luster for the power and security that come with big bucks. The not-so-talented fellow from a good family may swap his pedigree for a poor but brilliantly talented mate.
Indeed, almost any combination can survive and thrive. Once, some neighbors of mine stopped by for a friendly social engagement. During the evening Robert, a man in his 50s, suddenly blurted out, "What would you say if your daughter planned to marry someone who has a ponytail and insisted on doing the cooking?"
"Unless your daughter loves cooking," I responded, "I'd say she was darn lucky."
"Exactly," his wife agreed. "It's really your problem, Robert -- that old macho thing rearing its head again. The point is, they're in love."
I tried to reassure Robert, pointing out that the young man their daughter had picked out seemed to be a relaxed, nonjudgmental sort of person -- a trait he shared with her own mother.
Is there such a thing as love at first sight? Why not? When people become love-struck, what happens in that instant is the couple probably discover a unique something they have in common. It could be something as mundane as they both were reading the same book or were born in the same town. At the same time they recognize some trait in the other that complements their own personality.
I happen to be one of those who were struck by the magic wand. On that fateful weekend, while I was a sophomore at Cornell University, I had a terrible cold and hesitated to join my family on vacation in the Catskill Mountains. Finally I decided anything would be better than sitting alone in my dormitory room.
That night as I was preparing to go to dinner, my sister rushed up the stairs and said, "When you walk into that dining room, you're going to meet the man you'll marry."
I think I said something like "Buzz off!" But my sister couldn't have been more right. I knew it from the moment I saw him, and the memory still gives me goose flesh. He was a premed student, also at Cornell, who incidentally also had a bad cold. I fell in love with Milton the instant I met him.
Milt and I were married for 39 years, until his death in 1989. And all that time we experienced a love that Erich Fromm called a "feeling of fusion, of oneness," even while we both continued to change, grow and fulfill our lives.
1. Turn it off, turn it back on. “Nine times out of ten, rebooting your computer-and any equipment that connects to it-will solve the problem,” says Aaron Schildkraut, who owns a home tech-support service in the New York tristate area.
2. Just because we're “buddies” at work, don't expect me to come running every time you've got a problem. I've got a slew of IT problems to fix.
3. We're like Santa: We know if you've been bad or good. Fessing up to what really happened right before the system crashed is going to save time-and I'm going to figure it out anyway.
4. Use “strong” passwords. Geek Squad agent Derek Meister suggests combining letters and numbers-but not your birth date-to create a “base” password, and adding a unique suffix for each site you use. If your base password is your spouse's initials and your anniversary date (say, SP061789), your Amazon password might be “SP061789AM.”
5. Make sure you have current antivirus and anti-spyware protection, and set it to update at least once a day and run a full-system scan at least once a week.
6. There's no free lunch. Downloading free music, movies, and games from file-sharing sites can open holes in your system for others to exploit. Play it safe and use established services like Rhapsody, iTunes, and Netflix.
7. Remember: Public Wi-Fi is public. If you don't have a compelling reason to check your e-mail or bank account while sipping a latte at the mall, don't do it. While you're on a public network, even one that's encrypted, a nearby hacker can capture your passwords.
8. Give it a rest. Turning off your computer when it's not in use saves energy and clears out the RAM, or temporary memory, which would otherwise slow your machine over time.
9. If you can't get online, call your Internet service provider first. Connection problems can often be checked and fixed-free.
10. If you want to see less of me, get a Mac. That's what we use. “Macs are actually a little bad for my business,” says Schildkraut.
11. No, you can't use your cell phone to pop popcorn. Next time an Internet rumor drops into your inbox, don't just pass it on-check it out at snopes.com first.
12. Sometimes we talk about you-in code. If you hear “HKI error” (for human-keyboard interface) or “PEBCAK” (problem exists between chair and keyboard), we're insulting you.
13. If you don't understand me, I'm not doing my job. Confusing tech jargon is a sign of insecurity, not intelligence. --Interviews by Adam Bluestein. Sources: Derek Meister, Geek Squad; Aaron Schildkraut, myhometech.net; anonymous posters on TechRepublic .com; techcomedy.com.
On a Sunday evening last November, Patrick Moberg, 21, a website developer, was in the Union Square subway station in New York City. "Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed this girl," he says. "She had bright blue shorts and dark blue tights and a flower in the back of her hair." New York's fun if you're a guy -- the city's lousy with gorgeous women. But this one was different. She was his perfect girl.
When the number 5 train pulled into the station, the two got on. "I was enthralled," he says. "I noticed details like her braided hair and that she was writing in a pad. I couldn't shake the desire to talk to her."
Taking a deep breath, he headed her way. Just then the train pulled into the Bowling Green station. The doors opened, a rush of humanity swarmed in, and then suddenly, she was gone.
He considered giving chase, but there's a fine line between blind love and stalking. He thought of plastering the station with posters. Then a brainstorm: the Internet. "It seemed less encroaching," he says. "I didn't want to puncture her comfort zone."
That night, the world had a new website: nygirlofmydreams.com. On it, Patrick declared, "I Saw the Girl of My Dreams on the Subway Tonight." He drew a picture of the girl etched in his mind, along with a portrait of himself with this disclaimer pointed at his head: "Not insane."
The website spread virally, and soon he had thousands of leads. Some were cranks, and some were women offering themselves in case he struck out.
Two days later, he got an e-mail from someone claiming to know the girl. He even supplied a photo. It was her. She was an Australian interning at a magazine, and her name was Camille. And she wanted to meet too.
Everything I found out about her was another wonderful thing
Their first meeting was awkward. And why not? It was set up by Good Morning America. Like the rest of the media, GMA saw a great love story and pounced. But being sucked into a media maelstrom isn't necessarily conducive to a nascent love affair. "There was a lot of uncertainty on how to act around each other," Patrick said. And in the back of Camille's mind, a nagging thought: Who is this guy? The media circus eventually moved on, giving the two a chance to talk without a microphone present.
"Everything I found out about her was another wonderful thing," says Patrick. She was smart, funny and a big personality, a nice fit for this shy guy. "And," he continues quietly, "we've been hanging out together every day since."
Thinking back, he sighs. "It's amazing everything went without a hitch."
He Got Her Jazzed
"I really can't think of anybody who wouldn't appreciate being met at the airport by a jazz band," says writer Calvin Trillin. "I suppose there might be some people who are in the witness protection program."
But Calvin's wife, Alice, wasn't some hood in hiding, and she would, he knew, most definitely love being feted by a jazz band.
The year was 1972, and Calvin was in Louisiana covering a crawfish festival. Back in New York, Alice's parents were both ill, and she was coming down for some much-needed R&R. Calvin wanted to cheer her up. He called a friend at Preservation Hall about getting a band. But Jazz Fest was in full swing. All the good ones were booked. So he took what was left.
When Alice's flight landed, she deplaned and walked smack into a wall of sound -- brass, to be exact -- tooting a rousing rendition of "Hello, Dolly!" For her. And she laughed.
"She saw it as a grand gesture. And I don't think she cared that the cornet player was actually an antiques dealer." In fact, he wasn't even from Cajun country. He hailed from London. And the trombone player? Norwegian. They happened to be in town for the festival.
Calvin and Alice strolled arm in arm through the terminal, trailed by their personal band blasting out standards. Along the way, passengers fell in behind and began second-lining all the way to the baggage area.
"Usually not the most interesting of times, waiting for your bags," says Calvin. "But they kept playing."
Alice died a few years ago, but Calvin clings to the memory of that day. "She was a very engaged person," he says. "Having a jazz band meet her fit her personality."
So what if he couldn't land a Satchmo or a Wynton Marsalis? As Calvin reminds us, "Imperfect gestures are still nice gestures."
He Puzzled Her
Aric Egmont knew he had to calm down or he was going to blow it. After all, who breaks out into a flop sweat doing the crossword puzzle? If he didn't relax, he was sure to clue his girlfriend, Jennie Bass, into the fact that this was no ordinary Sunday Boston Globe. This was his marriage proposal.
The two, both 29 -- he's in communications, she studies public health -- had dated for four years and never seriously discussed marriage. Why mess up a good thing? went the thinking. But Aric had second thoughts. And since they were fanatics, he says, proposing via the tiny boxes of a crossword puzzle "was a more natural idea than it might seem to others."
So last June he contacted the Globe and told them about his idea. They bit. Aric fed Globe puzzle writers Emily Cox and Henry Rathvon (who also create RD's Word Power column) personal info to be turned into clues, then he waited ... for four torturous months.
On the morning of September 23, having not slept the entire night before, Aric nonchalantly asked Jennie, "Want to do the crossword puzzle?" He bolted downstairs and out the door, grabbed the paper, then ran up to their bedroom. Climbing back into bed, the two assumed their normal puzzle-solving pose, with Jennie leaning against him. Almost immediately, she was struck by the number of clues that matched up with people and places in her life.
Twenty across asked: "Lover of Theseus." The answer was Ariadne, whose namesake is a friend of Jennie's. Seventy-three across: "One of the Judds." Naomi, also Jennie's sister's name. Ninety-one across: "NASCAR driver Almirola." Answer: Aric.
Aric began scanning ahead to where the big clue was. "I knew the moment was coming," he said. And there it was. One hundred eleven across: "Generic proposal." Clever, he thought, a wordplay on Jen and Aric. The clue next to it was "Winston's mother."
"Look at that," said Aric. "Will you marry me, Jennie.'" He waited for a reaction. He didn't get one. Jennie is a smart person, smart enough to know all about Theseus' love life, but this was information overload. So Aric produced a ring and, quoting the Boston Globe crossword puzzle, asked, "Will you marry me, Jennie?"
After tears and shrieks and lots of "I love you's," Jennie said yes.
"I'm not the most romantic person," admits Aric. "I think I was playing above my head on this one."
Then Romeo adds, "Hopefully, this will satisfy Jennie for a while."
She Forgave
As blind dates go, it was a good one. The year was 1950, and some friends figured that 20-year-old Grace Miltenberger might like their fellow Marine, Bob. They were right. "I thought he was the most handsome man in the world, and I fell right in love with him," she says. It was mutual.
They dated happily for almost a year, then Bob up and disappeared. No calls, no visits and, most maddeningly, no explanations.
Not one to wallow, Grace enlisted in the Marines. Four years later, she and Bob hooked up again. Neither remembers the exact circumstances, but Grace does recall, "I still loved him." And after a few months, her finger sported a big, fat diamond engagement ring.
Then it happened again. In October 1954, she got a call from Bob saying he couldn't go through with it. No reason given; he just couldn't do it.
"The not knowing why is what hurt the most," says Grace.
As before, she collected herself. In 1958 she married another man, and over the years, the couple had five daughters. But the marriage was an unhappy one, and adding to Grace's anxiety was a secret she kept from her husband. Taped to the underside of a dresser drawer was the engagement ring Bob had given her. After what he put her through, most people might have pawned it or tossed it in a river. But not Grace. "I never stopped loving him," she says.
When her faltering marriage dissolved in 1969, Grace devoted herself to her daughters and to getting degrees in sociology and nursing. Fast-forward to 2004. The phone rings. A voice says, "Gracie?"
"I threw the phone in the air and said, "Oh, my God. It's Bob.'"
He'd called under the pretense of finding out where the guy who'd introduced them was buried. Three and a half hours later, they hung up. During their chat, Grace learned that Bob was a widower after 48 years of marriage.
"I never figured out what happened to us," he said at one point.
"I'll tell you what happened& -- you dumped me." But she wasn't mad. She was thrilled to be talking to him.
On New Year's Day, 2005, they became engaged over the phone. Six months later, Bob visited Grace at her home outside Tulsa. It was the first time they'd seen each other in half a century. He showed up at her doorstep, and, she says, "we just walked into each other's arms like we'd always been together."
On the day he popped the question, Bob said, "Now I guess I've got to get you a ring."
"No," she said. "I've got one."
"Who gave you that?"
"You did, you big, dumb jerk. Fifty years ago."
This time, Bob didn't run away.
When Life Two Started
Heidi Solomon was standing at the kitchen counter of her suburban Cleveland home, slicing cheese to make a sandwich for her ten-year-old son. It was an ordinary April afternoon -- as ordinary as any in the three tumultuous years since she and her husband, Rick, had adopted Daniel. "I don't want that," the boy snapped. Heidi, a slender woman barely taller than Daniel at five feet, didn't respond. Her son's hostility, she knew, had nothing to do with her.
Photographed by Andy Goodwin
Giving up wasn't an option for Heidi Solomon. "I loved him," she says of her adopted son.
Daniel had spent the first years of his life in an orphanage that was more like a prison than a home for parentless children. Though he was affectionate when the Solomons adopted him, his behavior had deteriorated over time and lately grown even worse. He smashed toys, assaulted other kids, and was expelled from school and briefly committed to a psychiatric hospital.
Still, Heidi wasn't prepared for what happened next. With a snarl, Daniel snatched a six-inch steak knife from the counter and held it near her throat.
Until his adoption, Daniel -- born Florin-Daniel Bica -- had never owned a pair of shoes, never been read to, never gotten a hug. He didn't even know he had parents. A single window offered the only glimpse of the world beyond the orphanage room he shared with dozens of others. "At night, you could see the lights of the city," the boy, now 18, remembers. "I'd wonder what all that was."
Then, one October day in 1996, a strange man led him from the orphanage and into a waiting car. "I had no idea what was going on," says Daniel. "It felt like a dream." Soon he was in an airport, and the man was urging him to say hello to a man and woman. Heidi burst into tears at the sight of the boy in the blue windbreaker. He waved shyly. "That's when Life Two started," Daniel says with a smile.
Heidi had committed herself to adopting a child when she was all of 15 years old. She made the decision after moving to Maryland to train as a gymnast for three years. During that time, she lived in seven different households and often felt more like an imposition than a guest. When she returned home to Ohio, she realized the importance of family -- and something else: "I decided I didn't want to have my own biological children, because there are so many out there who need help."
She became a special-education teacher, working with gang members and emotionally disturbed children. In her spare time, she volunteered with Big Brothers Big Sisters. Rick, who has a marketing job with a vending-machine company, wasn't so keen on adoption, but he accepted it as part of the package when he married Heidi.
Soon after they wed, in 1994, the couple began the process of adopting from overseas. Flipping through an agency catalog one evening, Heidi stopped cold at a picture of a smiling child with caramel skin and coal-black hair. "He just popped out at me," she says. "I said to Rick, 'This is our son.'"
At the time, the boy was living in an austere orphanage in Beclean, Romania. Adult staff fed and cleaned the children and occasionally beat them with sticks; otherwise, they left them to their own devices.
Rage Took Over
For the first six months at his new home in Ohio, Daniel seemed to adapt well. Fascinated by the unfamiliar world, he loved talking on the phone and, with his new mother, learning to swim. There were trouble spots: He threw occasional tantrums and had a hard time sleeping alone. Though he quickly picked up several English words, he still struggled to communicate when he entered the first grade at the local public school.
Then, on the day he turned eight, something snapped. It was during a birthday party his parents threw for him -- the first one he'd ever had -- that Daniel fully realized someone had brought him into the world and then abandoned him. The thought filled him with an explosive fury.
"I got this idea that Heidi and Rick had left me for seven years, then picked me up and tried to act like nothing had happened," Daniel says. They explained many times that they weren't his biological parents, but Daniel was unconvinced. "I didn't care what they said or did," he says. "Rage just took over."
He would erupt in hours-long tantrums, throwing anything he could get his hands on and gouging holes in walls throughout the house. Eventually Heidi and Rick moved everything except a mattress out of his bedroom. But the outbursts got worse. When Daniel turned ten, his parents gave him a puppy, which the boy promptly tried to strangle. The following month, he was sent home from synagogue in a police car after he charged a bunch of kids with a shovel.
The Solomons called in therapists; Daniel bit one in the stomach, leaving a three-inch gash. Three separate times that same year, he was committed involuntarily to a psychiatric hospital, once after threatening his school principal with a shard of glass. The institutionalizations seemed only to fuel his anger. "Before, he'd get frustrated and it would escalate," says Heidi. "But after being in the hospital, he became deliberately violent."
Heidi was Daniel's favorite target. He head-butted her, then smiled when he saw he'd caused a black eye. He swung a golf club at her. More than once when Rick wasn't home, Heidi called the police for protection.
Perhaps the only person Daniel hated as much as Heidi was himself. He talked often about suicide and made several clumsy attempts, jumping from windows or trees.
The family began to crack under the strain. Rick talked about leaving. Heidi was consumed by guilt. "I remember reading in the newspaper about a family of three dying in a fire and thinking, That should be us -- we cause so much chaos," she says.
Mental-health professionals, friends and relatives told Heidi there was no hope, that Daniel would never love her and that she should give up on him. But she wasn't going to back out. "Though he hated me, I didn't take it personally," she says. "I knew it was because of what had happened to him. And I knew he needed a family. He's my son. I never questioned that."
On the day Daniel pulled the knife on her, Heidi, trained to deal with
her potentially violent students, deliberately showed no emotion. She knocked the weapon out of her son's hand, and he backed away. The crisis was over. Only later did Heidi allow herself to think about what might have happened -- and what might lie ahead. Daniel was a scrawny ten-year-old, but he was growing bigger. She knew they couldn't go on like this.
Drastic Measures
By then, several psychotropic medications had been prescribed for Daniel. Some were useless; others seemed to help stabilize his wildly shifting moods. None of them, though, could treat his most serious diagnosis -- reactive attachment disorder, a condition that prevents the sufferer from bonding with others.
"An attachment-disordered child believes, I am bad, unwanted, worthless and unlovable," wrote psychotherapists Terry Levy and Michael Orlans in a medical journal article Heidi found online. The result, the authors continued, is a profound sense of alienation that leads to anger and violence. In short, Daniel was unable to love. While the disorder is rare, it is routinely found in abused children, including the thousands adopted in the United States every year from warehouse-style Eastern European orphanages.
In recent years, under enormous pressure from Western governments and with help from several nonprofit organizations, Romania has taken steps to improve the care of its abandoned children. Though conditions in some institutions are still appalling, Romanian Children's Relief, a U.S.-based group that works in the region, has helped close many of the worst and place their occupants with foster families or in group homes. The orphanage where Daniel lived now caters to teens and has been modernized to resemble a college dormitory.
Those changes came too late to help Daniel, and treating attachment disorder can be not only difficult but also controversial. Some versions of attachment therapy, as it is called, involve physical restraint. In 2000 a ten-year-old girl was smothered to death in Colorado by two therapists, now in prison, who wrapped her in a flannel sheet as part of a "rebirthing" meant to cure her.
But by the summer of 1999, Heidi was ready for drastic measures. She contacted Ronald Federici, a Virginia neuropsychologist who recommended a gentler but nonetheless demanding treatment. For two solid months, Heidi would stay within three feet of Daniel at all times. He wasn't to ask for anything, only to accept the food and clothes she handed him. Most important, her son was required to make appropriate eye contact every time the two interacted. The idea was to re-create a version of the mother-baby bond they had never developed.
"For the first few weeks, I absolutely hated my mom as much as you can hate a person," Daniel says. Eventually he began to change. He came to understand that Heidi and Rick weren't his biological parents, and somehow the intense togetherness made the awareness sink in more deeply. His anger dissipated. After eight weeks, his violent outbursts had stopped and he'd quit trying to hurt himself or anyone else.
Still, Daniel's churning emotions surfaced in different ways. He turned to more passive-aggressive behavior: He ate dinner as slowly as possible and began stealing things. Compared with what Heidi and Rick had been through, however, this seemed manageable. So the couple did something even Rick has called insane: They adopted another Eastern European orphan boy. Two-year-old Alexander Joseph -- A.J. -- arrived from Ukraine to join the family when Daniel was 12.
Instantly, Daniel became jealous. He began playing with matches and, at one point, threatened to kill himself. In desperation, Heidi and Rick tried another kind of attachment therapy. Every evening, they sat Daniel, by now a good-sized 13-year-old, on one of their laps. They fed him ice cream and didn't let him go until he'd made eye contact and talked to them. There was no breakthrough moment, but over months of the ritual, coupled with intensive professional therapy, Daniel underwent a transformation.
He began to appreciate how much his parents had done for him and to realize they loved him. He started to open up, stopped stealing and made a few friends. And his relationship
with A.J., who struggled with his own behavioral problems -- including hyperactivity and a mild version of attachment disorder -- improved. Daniel began to take pride in being an older brother, even babysitting A.J. at times.
With Heidi's encouragement, Daniel also began to help others. He became a leader in his temple's youth group, built homes with Habitat for Humanity and began training as a volunteer firefighter. Two years ago, to everyone's astonishment, he received his synagogue's award for most outstanding high school student. He accepted the award in a speech to some 300 people. In it, Daniel told of his early life in the orphanage and thanked Heidi and Rick for everything. Then, his voice choking with emotion, he spoke the words his parents feared they would never hear from him: "I love you."
"It was, hands down, the most amazing moment of my life," says Heidi.
Daniel's struggles aren't over. He's still in therapy. And while he is perfectly articulate in conversation, he has trouble reading and writing. Nonetheless, he's on track to graduate from high school this summer. College isn't a realistic option, but Daniel has other plans: He hopes to become a professional firefighter. He's learned firsthand what it means to give -- even risk -- everything for someone else. Now he wants to be the one to put that lesson into practice..
Cinta, tak boleh main-main. Cinta perlu komitmen. Bukan main campak buang semacam. Perlu dirancang dan dilaksana sebaik mungkin.
Tak bolehlah nak bergaduh, paksa-paksa dan mengabaikan tanggungjawab pada pasangan. Untuk yang dah berkahwin, nafkah wajib dipenuhi. Amanah sebagai suami isteri kena ditunaikan sebaiknya. Komited sebagai suami yang mithali, ummi yang solehah, agar dapat melahirkan anak-anak yang afiq, yang arif, yang anis, yang santun. Menjadikan rumahtangga dipenuhi mahabbah, mawaddah dan sakinah
2. Cinta itu intuitive: NALURI.
Cinta itu sifatnya naluri. Apa tu orang kata, “cinta itu di hati”. Bercinta yang hangat bila kita dapat merasai apa yang dirasai oleh orang yang kita sayang.
Jika taknak disakiti, kita tak menyakitkan hati orang lain. Jika nak disayang, kita akan memberi kasih sayang seluhurnya. Jika ada rasa bimbang, seringnya kita akan dapat merasa. Macam cinta ibu pada anak-anak. Sering mereka dapat rasa apa yang anak-anak mereka buat, yang baik atau tak baik untuk anak-anak, kan?
3. Cinta itu sebahagian nature: FITRAH
Cinta itu fitrah. Betul. Bila Nabi Adam dicipta, baginda rasa kesunyian. Allah ciptakan Hawa sebagai peneman. Rasa ingin disayanagi dan menyayangi tu fitrah manusia. Yang perempuan minat pada seorang lelaki. Ada lelaki jatuh cinta pada seorang wanita. Cinta itu benar dan suci.
4. Cinta sering terletak di puncak: TOP
Bila ada rasa cinta, kita akan sama-sama bekerjasama, saling mengasihi. Itulah nilai yang mengikat kita semua untuk terus bersatu. Sekuat cinta Tuhan yang memberikan pelbagai nikmat hidup, cinta itu di puncak kehidupan.
5. Cinta itu sifatnya ALTRUISTIC.
Apa tu?? Aa, altruistik maknanya melebihkan orang lain dari diri sendiri. Dalam lughah disebut al-itsar. Wah, erti pengorbanan di sini. Bak kata Ustaz Hasrizal, makna hidup pada memberi. Bila cinta, kita sanggup berkorban untuk yang kita cinta dan kasihi.
Bila ada niat untuk membahagiakan yang lain, maka kita akan usahakan yang terbaik untuk memenuhi kehidupannya dengan bahagia dan sempurna. Kata Abang Ed, bila kita tolong orang, Allah akan membantu kita, menambah nikmat untuk kita. Indahnya…..
